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Posted by admin on February 16, 2005, 10:51 pm ( 386 reads)
Sibling Rivalry
By Armin Brott Dear Mr. Dad: When our now-18-month-old son was born, my husband and I thought he'd be a wonderful playmate for his big brother. Instead, our older child seems to hate his baby brother-the two of them yells at each other, snatch each other's toys, and fight all the time. I'm actually afraid my older one might do some serious damage to the baby if he got the chance. Is this normal? A: Absolutely, which is why I always advise expectant parents to give their older children plenty of warning that a new baby is on the way. A lot of people think their older child is too young to understand, or they want to savor the last few months of being alone with their child before the new family member arrives. But without any time to get use to the idea, the new baby is likely to be perceived as a threat to the older child's status as center of the Universe. No matter how careful the preparation, a lot of older siblings are less than delighted a crying baby invades their space, takes away their parents' love, and gets smothered with gifts and attention.
Don't expect things to get a lot better very soon. Despite your best efforts and promises, you simply can't give equal time to both of your children. A toddler's needs are different from a preschooler's. Fortunately, you can still get a lot of mileage out of giving your older child special treats and privileges. Things as simple as getting to spend an uninterrupted half-hour reading with you or going out for ice cream can go a long way toward making him feel less inconvenienced by the presence of a high-maintenance interloper.
Whenever possible, children should resolve their arguments between themselves. But of course, safety is a top priority. If fighting becomes dangerous for either child, you have no choice but to intervene. Trying some of the following strategies to keep sibling rivalry from getting out of hand. Don't try to talk an angry child out of his feelings. When children complain about each other, acknowledge their frustrations. You may be surprised at how quickly anger dissipates when children know that you understand how they feel. Don't compare then, even when one is clearly better behaved or more cooperative than another. Comparisons will only lead to envy, and may make children want to get back at each other. Try to appreciate their differences instead.Don't take sides. You can't always tell who started a dispute. And even if you do know, taking sides will only make it worse. Blaming one child more often than another may lead to long-term resentment or self-esteem issues in future.Don't force them to share, but encourage it. Parents who force kids to share often inadvertently make things worse by confusing ownership boundaries, particularly if what the kids are fighting over is especially important to one of them. Instead, discuss the virtues and benefits of sharing (if you share with someone else, he'll share with you.) Let children work things out for themselves. Things often settle down more quickly if children know you won't get involved. It also teaches them to resolve their own issues and get along with people-a valuable lesson in life.Step in if fighting escalates and the kids can't work it out or if either one is in danger of getting hurt. Set reasonable boundaries and expectations for behavior. Resist giving in to the child who creates the biggest fuss. Teach children that expressing their feelings or taking time alone to cool off is fine, but throwing a temper tantrum until they get their own way is not.Do appreciate the individuality of each child. Attempting to give and treat equally only leads to comparisons where one child almost always feels cheated. Give to children according to their needs and let each one know he is unique and special.A nationally recognized parenting expert, Armin Brott is the author of The New Father: A Dad's Guide to the First Year, Father for Life, The Expectant Father: Facts, Tips, and Advice for Dads-to-Be; A Dad's Guide to the Toddler Years, Throwaway Dads, and The Single Father: A Dad's Guide to Parenting without a Partner. He has written on parenting and fatherhood for the New York Times Magazine, The Washington Post, Newsweek and dozens of other periodicals. Armin serves on the board of advisors of the Men's Health Network in Washington, DC. He also hosts "Positive Parenting", a nationally distributed, weekly talk show, and lives with his family in Oakland, California. Visit Armin at www.mrdad.com.
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Posted by admin on February 16, 2005, 10:02 pm ( 318 reads)
How to Approach Fast Food Wisely
Excerpted from Healthy Lunchbox: The Working Mom's Guide to Keeping You and Your Kids Trim (LifeLine Press, September 2003)
By Rallie McAllister If you find that the very survival of you and your kids seems to depend on the occasional consumption of fast food, you don't have to cut it out all together; you just have to make judicious, nutritious choices. Order Food to Go. You can reduce the associated fat and calorie content to a significant degree by eating the food at home rather than at the restaurant or atop the dashboard dining facilities in your car. Studies show that people tend to consume more food when they're eating away from their own kitchen tables. When you bring fast foods home, you can supplement the meal with side orders of fresh fruits and vegetables, saving yourself 15 to 30 grams of fat by simply foregoing the fries. Instead of guzzling the 32-ounce soda that comes with the meal, you can opt for a glass of water, saving yourself around 300 calories and several tablespoons of sugar. Avoid Buffets. If you want to keep your fast food and your good health, avoid all-you-can-eat buffets like the scourges to humanity that they are. If this type of establishment holds any appeal for you at all, you might be able to diminish it a significant degree just by spending a few minutes in the parking lot, watching the portly patrons come and go. Chances are that you won't see too many thin, healthy looking folks frequenting these modern-day shrines to gluttony.
Forego the Fries. When you're eating out, you'll have some important decisions to make. A super-sized serving of French fries may have as many as 30 grams of fat. For some folks, this is almost an entire day's supply. Are the fries worth it? If they aren't you'll need to forget the fries and stick with the leaner choices on the menu. Stick to the "Light" Menu. Most fast food restaurants offer "light" menus and low-fat selections. You're always better off choosing from among these items. Fried foods and those served with high-fat condiments like mayonnaise, "special" sauce, and tarter sauce need to be approached with extreme caution. If the restaurant doesn't offer a light menu, your best bet is to choose salads with low-fat dressings or grilled chicken sandwiches. When it comes to ordering soups, choose the broth-based varieties rather than those that are cream-based.
Don't Be Afraid to Special-Order. Wherever you end up eating, ask for all condiments to be served on the side rather than slathered on your food by the chef, who is likely to be as indifferent to the lining of your arteries as he is to the circumference of your waistline. A single tablespoon of regular mayonnaise or salad dressing contains about 9 grams of fat and 100 calories, so you'll want to use these condiments sparingly, if at all.
Although vegetables are usually safe choices, their nutritional value is significantly diminished if they're overcooked to the point of disintegration or if they're swimming in lakes of oil or butter. Ask for your vegetables to be served plain and lightly steamed, so that they'll be reasonably nutritious and free of added fat. Fear the Fryer. While fish and chicken entrees sound nutritionally safe, you have to pay attention to the methods in which they are prepared. The fried versions of either food put them in the same class as burgers, and drowning fish or chicken in creamy sauces or butter can demote them to the nutritional status of high-fat desserts. To ensure that they remain low in fat and cholesterol, order your fish or chicken entrees baked or grilled. Take Charge of Your Plate. Even when you're dining at restaurants that don't offer super-size versions of their normal fare, you can bet that a "single" serving still provides enough calories for at least two meals. The average restaurant meal contains around 1500 calories, even minus the bread and dessert. It's a good rule of thumb to leave at least a third of the meal on your plate--some for Mr. Manners and the rest for Mrs. Health. Or, you can eat half of your meal while you're at the restaurant and save the other half for the next day's lunch.
It's always a good idea to opt for smaller portions than the ones provided, and you can be fairly certain that you won't run the risk of starving. Some restaurants are happy to oblige your request for half-orders. If they aren't, you can try ordering a child's plate of the same meal. If that doesn't work, you and your dinner date can always share an entree. If you feel that you must indulge in a food that is high in fat and calories, don't make matters worse by committing the twin sins of eating the wrong kind of food and eating too much of it. As you lose weight and gain health, you'll be pleased to find that savoring just a few bites of a tasty treat is often just as satisfying as a half-pound serving. It's definitely less guilt provoking. Rallie McAllister, MD, the author of Healthy Lunchbox: The Working Mom's Guide to Keeping You and Your Kids Trim (LifeLine Press, September 2003), runs a family practice specializing in nutrition, wellness, and weight loss called Healthy Solutions, in Kingsport, Tennessee. Dr. McAllister is the creator and popular host of Rallie On Health, a health magazine TV show with over 1 million viewers in the five-state area of eastern Tennessee. Millions across the country also know her for her weekly nationally syndicated column called "Your Health by Dr. Rallie McAllister." Dr. McAllister lives with her husband and three children in Kingsport, Tennessee. Visit Rallie at www.rallieonhealth.com. content provided by www.NetConnectPublicity.com
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Posted by admin on February 16, 2005, 9:47 pm ( 340 reads)
Youth Sports Guidelines for Parents
By Chick Moorman
Softball, soccer, basketball, horseback riding, swimming, hockey, or volleyball ? the sport doesn't matter. The guidelines for parents remain the same. To show support for your child while encouraging and teaching, consider the following:
1. Find out who will be coaching your child. Has the league run background checks on the coaches? Sadly, in these times the person you least expect could be a predator. Trust, but verify. Is the coach an encourager or a screamer? Does the coach focus primarily on winning or on participation and teamwork? Does he or she let everyone play at least half the game? Does he or she allow team members to play different positions, or are children pigeonholed into one position for the entire season?
2. Make sure your child is competing at his or her level of ability. Is your child overmounted, riding a horse too hot to handle? Is a travel team over your child's head or appropriately challenging? Are all your child's teammates bigger, stronger, and more skilled? It's no fun for children to compete when their chances of success are slim. Instead of pressuring your child to ride the newest horse or join the travel team, encourage your child to find enjoyment on a level where he or she can succeed.
3. Learn the rules of the game. Youth rules are not always the same as professional rules. More knowledge equates to less frustration and less yelling at officials, players, and coaches.
4. Remember that winning is only one of the goals of competition. Keep it in perspective. Winning is important; everyone likes to win. Yet playing to one's ability, giving strong effort, exhibiting good sportsmanship, improving skills, playing within the rules, and learning to lose with grace are just as valuable as winning. The lessons your child can learn when he or she doesn't win may be more valuable than winning that particular game.
5. Respect the other participants. This includes coaches, officials, and other team members. Cheer for members of the other team when they make a good play. Applaud the winning swimmer. Praise other athletes in front of their parents.
6. Hang onto your temper. Model restraint for your young athlete. Yes, get excited, but channel that excitement into encouragement and applause. Staying home is an option to consider if you lose control and occasionally berate officials or disrespect other spectators.
7. Refrain from yelling from the sidelines or stands. Players are too busy to process and integrate all the advice that is yelled from the sidelines, anyway. Often they don't even hear you. Check it out. Go out on the field and have some parent yell at you. See how easy it is to follow his or her instructions. That experience will cure you of yelling advice from the sidelines.
8. Get involved. Volunteer. The coach is giving up much time and energy to coach your child. Help out by organizing after-game treats and carpools and helping out with fund raisers. Lend a hand at practice if you feel qualified and the coach approves.
9. Praise your child for his or her efforts. Stay away from evaluative praise like "Good job," "Excellent play," and "Tremendous pass." Instead, give important feedback using
descriptive or appreciative praise. Descriptive praise describes what was accomplished. "You threaded that pass right between the two defenders," "Your decision to take the extra base ended up with an important run being scored," and "Looked like you maintained your concentration after your horse changed leads on you" are all examples of praise that describes. Appreciative praise tells the effect the child's behavior had on the team. "Your pass set him up with the perfect opportunity to score" and "The way you were encouraging teammates got everyone excited" are examples of appreciative praise. Descriptive and appreciative praise will leave room for your child to make the evaluation.
10. Resist the urge to critique your child. Improvement is more likely in an atmosphere of positive encouragement. Often with positive intentions, parents inform children of their errors and how they can improve. This feedback is often unnecessary, as children are usually aware of their errors. They don't need parents making a verbal list of mistakes to be corrected. They need you to be there and to allow them to play and have fun.
11. Compliment the officials. Most officials are volunteers or older children working for minimal compensation. They are learning too. Even if you think an official made a bad call during the game, you can comment on his or her hard work. Say something positive to the officials, and let your child overhear you.
12. Cheer for other children. Focusing solely on your child sends the message that you don't care about the team or the event. It tells others that you are only there for your child. Compliment players as they are substituted in and out of the game. Applaud their accomplishments.
Chick Moorman is the author of ?Parent Talk: How To Talk To Your Child In Language That Builds Self-Esteem and Encourages Responsibility,? and ?Spirit Whisperers: Teachers Who Nourish A Child?s Spirit.? (Personal Power Press, toll free, 877-360-1477.) He publishes FREE E-newsletters for parents and educators. Contact him (ipp57@aol.com) to get your free subscription to one or both newsletters.
content provided by www.NetConnectPublicity.com
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